NILMDTS - first one since Truman was born

I've mentioned this foundation before http://www.nilmdts.org/. Grab Kleenexes before you head to that site; you'll need them.

So the first week in February I was driving home from Wal-Mart and I got the distinct feeling I needed to make my status with NILMDTS active again. I bawled the whole way home just at the thought of going back to it. I prayed about it and thought about it and it felt right. So I contact them and I was back to active status immediately.

And then I prayed to Heavenly Father that he would give me some time before I had to actually go out because I wasn't sure I was actually ready.

Apparently "some time" to Him is a week and a bit.


On Valentine's Day I got a phone call. There was a baby at St. Mary's in the NICU. She was 2 weeks old. She had been born with irrepairable heart abnormalities and the parents were taking her off of lift support today. The mom wanted pictures. The dad did not. I got there right as they had taken Baby Mia off of life support.


She was tiny. 4 lbs 10 ounces. She had lots of dark hair. She was beautiful. She was a fighter. They took Mia off life support and she kept breathing. She gasped every few breaths, but she kept breathing. She was struggling but she even tried to open her eyes at one point as if to say - I'm really here...just trying to say good-bye. She was sweet.

I had to get in work mode and do my thing. So I did. And the images...I honestly can say I did not create them. Heavenly Father, through me, created beautiful images for this family. They were not images I could have taken. The light, just everything, was Him. I can't share the images here, wish I could.

As I was packing up the mom, in broken English, said something along the lines of "It must take someone special to take these pictures ... thank you." I was never going to tell them my story because it didn't matter. Their daughter was dying. But I felt that that was the Lord's way of giving me a chance to just let them know that I KNOW it will be okay. So I said "I just want to let you know that one day you will stop crying every hour. And one week you will stop crying every day. You will never stop missing or loving her but eventually you will go back to whatever normal life is. My son Truman would be 14 months old next week. I do this for him."

The dad, who had wanted nothing to do with me came over right then, looked me right in the eyes with tears streaming down all three of our faces, and said "thank you. It means so much to us that you know. thank you."

So I left that little family as they watched their first born baby girl struggle to take her last breaths. I don't know how long it took her to pass away but I got a phone call from the dad a few days later asking about their images.

I barely made it to my car before I broke down entirely. I was a sobbing mess. I miss my Truman.

But I did it.

And I'm stronger because I did it.

Now go hug your families :)